I am very intimidated by dentists. So much
so that every time I go to church for a confession of my sins, I pray to God
beforehand that the priest may not send me to the dentist for my penance. I think
I owe this unpleasant visit to the dentist to Preeti, my sis., who convinced me
that, among others, we should also take good care of our teeth. I am still not
convinced that I should thank her for the advice.
However, I found myself waiting for my turn
at the dentist’s hoping that it would never come. It brought back memories of
another time and another place where I was summoned by the then Principal of my
school for being caught while trying to escape the class with the intentions of
bunking it. The wait outside the Principal’s office was more agonising than the
juiciest of the cane hammering I was subjected to. When I began comparing, I
preferred the waiting outside the Principal’s office to the one outside the Dentist’s.
Finally, when my turn did come, I resisted the urge to gather my belongings and
dash for the Exit door to the free world. The dentist welcomed me with a smile
and when I told her that I had come for a dental check-up, she beckoned me to
‘The Chair’ and said ‘Let’s see what you’ve got.’ I would’ve misconstrued the statement
altogether if I wasn’t so daunted by the sight of ‘The Chair’ that seem to come
straight out of a sci-fi movie with all the gizmos attached to it. Once I was
comfortable in ‘The Chair’ (I am using the word comfortable here for the lack
of a better word; I should probably have used the word ‘seated’), the lights
came on and I thought I saw horns popping out of her head. She asked me to open
my mouth and when did, she peered in and after having a good look at the
contents inside, she said ‘uh-huh’. ‘What do you mean uh-huh?’ I asked. She
said I had more cavities than teeth. I said ‘uh-huh’ and she asked ‘What do you
mean uh-huh?’ I said ok, to which she retorted ‘It’s not ok’. I wanted to say
uh-huh, but I held back. She said a cave explorer could venture into my mouth
for days altogether and still come out leaving unfinished business. And I
think, just to prove a point, she prodded my teeth with some instruments which
could just have well been a chisel and a hammer, for with every prod she created
an intense pain that caused a convulsion so severe that I was rooted to ‘The
Chair’ against my wishes of making a dash for the door. Finally when she was
done prodding, she laid down the tools and started scribbling the notepad with
a prescription for me before I could come to visit her next week. If I were to
hazard a guess, she called me next week because she didn’t have the entire set
of tools for cave exploring with her and she wanted to be completely prepared
the next time around.
The entire ordeal was enough to give me
nightmares. Yet, pay her a visit next week, I will. However, I am prepared
with counter measures. On the evening prior to my visit, I will down a great
deal of whisky. I will drink till my gills are pickled and I am sozzled. The
hangover on the morrow should hurt more than what the dentist has in store for
me.
